i hope you dance

bucket listttttttt

These are in no specific order

- go to the top of the empire state building

- hang glide! 

- sky dive 

- white water rafting 

- hike a lot of mountains so I can climb Mt Washington summit someday

- go to Amsterdam

- Concentration camps in Germany

- Alps in Switzerland,

- Honeymoon in Paris

- Spain

- Russia

- Beached in Thailand

- Manila, Philippines

- Tokyo, Japan

- Great Wall of China !

- Grand Canyon in Arizona

- Visit all 50 States

- Roadtripppppp

-  go to a drive in movie

- camp 

- sleep under the stars 

- see the northern lights

- go to Ben and Jerrys in Vermont 

- make 6 figures $$$$$$$$$$

- Earn a phd or dnp for nursing

- save a life

- start a nonprofit 

- own a fashion boutique 

- walk in closet 

- AFRICA 

- do a pageant

- model with an agency 

- get married 

- have a family 

- go snorkeling

- go on a cruise 

- go to a giant music festival 

- get a tattoo (or 2..)

- more piercings 

- paint 

- learn how to drive stick 

- work in pediatric oncology 

- do 1 good deed a day

its like moving mountains

Why is it so difficult for guys to focus on one girl, their girl rather than diverting their attention to other girls, who in the end play no significance in their lives. Will these other girls be there when times get tough? Do you share your hopes, dreams and your aspirations with these girls? No. I didn’t think so. But hey lets keep pushing away “the one”.  I wonder if it’s hard for a guy to be content with just one girl. Are they always looking? It’s like I can’t keep up. No matter what I do it’s not enough. It brings back the feelings that I’m not and will never be pretty enough, I’ll never be skinny enough, I’ll never be good enough or smart enough to make him stay. In my opinion, when a guy is looking at another girl there’s something missing from his relationship. Quite frankly I could care less if he hooked up with her. I loathe the fact that

1. I didnt know

2. He thinks she’s attractive 

3. He liked her pictures despite the fact we were  dating. 

The fact that she intentionally blew up his Facebook wall with posts to annoy him after he asked her not to just goes to show this girl is a bitch. Plain and simple. If you look up the definition of “real true friend” .. her name would not be there. He had to un-friend her and re-friend her. WAIT are we five years old again? But please, do tell me how you find her attractive, like her pictures on Facebook then ask me why I’m insecure. I don’t know maybe because this sounds so familiar because I’ve been down this road and I absolutely refuse to go down it again. They say when you find the one you just know. For me, I found Arick and I never looked back. It was like I got tunnel vision, he was and continues to be all I see. No one else comes close. Not one guy has caught my attention. Maybe initially at first glance they were good looking but then when I really look at them their eyes didn’t light up the way his eyes do, his smile didnt sparkle, they didnt have freckles on their noses like him. I hope I’m not making a mistake by trusting and loving again .. I can’t go through it again. It just makes me really sad :(

horseshit.

Today I had a call in to the school I want to transfer to.  She kindly informed me that my current GPA is not even at a 2.0. EXCUSE ME?! How does someone who had a 3.7 GPA drop to below a 2. I’ve never been more mortified in my entire life. How does this happen to a seemingly normal looking girl? Depression, anxiety and a fucking douche bag of a boyfriend sounds about right. Talk about a recipe for disaster. I’m so angry. 

random thoughts.

Woke up, couldn’t stop crying. I want nothing more than to wake up feeling normal (whatever that is) then I threw up. Classy. Now I have to go work from 10-9. If that’s not a miserable day then I don’t know what is. I just wanna curl up in a ball and sleep my life away. Pretty sure satan he comes in the form of anxiety and depression…